Sunday, July 7, 2013

Day 2 @ Seattle Children's

Today was an emotional day. I'm happy my baby's heart is mended but sad when he looks into my eyes. He has been staring into my eyes like how could I let these people do this to him. I finally cried and had to step away from him. I can't even begin to explain what it feels like to not be able to hold your child only those who have been through this or similar situations know this feeling. It's the absolute definition of torture I can tell you that. 

On to some good news. Coles nitric has been lowered to 4 and his oxygen vent is at 35. Once the nitric is completely off we can then start the ween process of the oxygen level to be lowered at that point we can try to removed the vent completely. Hoping to this early Monday morning around 4 am. 

Feed tube is being used. The feeds have made his tummy extra swollen. We still have a chest tube and pacemaker wires just in case but pacemaker still is not hooked up, yay Cole. IV has been removed from his feet due to his veins blowing that's no surprise. He still has a neck IV and it looks like its holding up. 

Cole is on Milrinone,morphine, heparin, furosemide and some IV fluids. As long as he is on the Milrinone we will not be leaving the ICU. We will get more into that when I have a better understanding of what this medication does. I mean I understand but couldn't explain it as of yet lol.  I'm sleep deprived give me a break lol. 

Now I'm hearing the baby holding may happen Tuesday. Fingers crossed for Tuesday I need my baby in my arms like yesterday. My baby looks so different than when I first handed him over, now he looks older to me. 

Sleeping away last night


This is our view of the amazing hospital where miracles happen


Resting this afternoon. His chest is looking awesome


Close up view

Still have a ton of machines 

Cut back on the pain meds he is a little more alert 

Sleep my sweet boy mommy will hold you soon and never let you go. 

6 comments:

  1. Sweet boy! I remember so well that feeling of just wanting to hold him again. He will be in your arms soon. Stay strong.

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  2. I cry seeing you go thru this. I pray every min for cole. From one mother to another...you are very brave and very strong. Thank you for sharing his journey. Love u guys...
    Sarah and Shawn.

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  3. Love you too Sarah and Shawn. Thank you for all the prayers and reading his journey.

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  4. Use Bio Oil on that scar daily and you will see it disappear! My son's is so light now. It sucks because he will need surgery again, but at least it looks great now! Haha! Cole looks great! I know how hard it is not to hold them. It's terrible. Soon these hospital and tubes and wires will be in your rear view. You're a strong heart mama!
    My simple explanation for Milrinone is it increases the ability of the heart to contract and alleviates some of the pressures on the heart, helping the pumping action. Usually after heart surgery, it helps the ventricular function.
    Wow... I had to rack my brain for that one. And as im racking my brain, I was replaying it in our caridologists voice. Hahah!
    We'll keep praying for Cole to have a seemless and quick recovery!

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  5. I am encouraged to hear he is on less pain meds! That is a big step. I wanted to tell you that I felt the same way after Izzie's surgery. I looked at her and felt like I had tricked her. I handed her over smiling to a nurse and she came back to me very different. It took me awhile to deal with feeling like I had let them do this to her. It was hard and I just knew she was upset with me. I remember the torture of not holding her. It will happen soon! Make that your number one request. Tell the docs every time you see them and all the nurses that you need to hold him. They allowed me to hold earlier than they would have because it was so important to me. I also had a few nurses who let me help bathe her before I could hold her, and 1 held her very close to me so I could kiss her forehead. Tears just poured. CourtneyAnna above explained the Milrinone perfectly. They keep the babies in the picu while they are on it because they are so closely monitored. When they get to the heart floor they have a little less monitoring so they like to wait to move them till they are off the milrinone. Sending you (((hugs))) and many prayers for you all, especially Cole <3

    Izzie's Momma (Wendy)

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  6. It's so hard. My heart hurt everyday that my little boy was in the hospital recovering from heart surgery. He will be all the better for it before you know it. He is going to feel fantastic!

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